


Regrettable

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Bitter Exes, Blow Jobs, Bottom Kylo Ren, Hate Sex, M/M, Pining, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 12:36:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13881009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: After the battle of Crait, Hux is full of pent-up frustration and restless energy. Going to Ren for a fuck feels like a defeat, but also like the only thing he can do.





	Regrettable

**Author's Note:**

> This fic started writing itself when I saw a tweet saying we need more bitter exes having sex fics, and I finished it at school in the library. If that's not powerful, I don't know what is.

The stars blur into the stripes of hyperspace, and Hux feels like he left his stomach on Crait. He’s running on power of will and spite alone, having foregone sleep far too much in the past week, but he couldn’t have just gone to bed and left the fate of the Order in the clumsy hands of the people around him – of the loyal but incompetent young, or the seasoned officers looking for every single misstep of his to overthrow him. But most importantly, he had to keep an eye on Ren. Ren, the most dangerous of them all, and the one he’s failed spectacularly to control. 

Hux doesn’t want to think of Ren, his throat still raw, his side bruised. Medics assured him he didn’t break a bone, yet the profound ache in every cell of his being disagrees. He pushes it further and further to the back of his mind, hoping that if he keeps doing it for long enough, he might forget about it. He stares out of the viewport, numb and unseeing, his body shaking with weakness he’s hoped to leave behind. 

Yet he is still human. Despite all his effort at shedding his humanity like an itchy coat, it holds on, taking over him in the most inopportune moments. As if he can afford a good night’s sleep, as if could even fall asleep knowing everyone in the Order is waiting for a chance to replace him. 

Everyone, except Ren. His position is not good enough for Ren anymore.  _ He  _ is not good enough for Ren anymore. That makes him nauseous. And he feels, for the first time in months, regret for having broken up with Ren. It hits him suddenly and fiercely, a long overdue realization that finally forced its way into his consciousness. 

With Ren, he could forget he was a General of the First Order, and for a while his troubles would go away. Ren would go down on his knees for him and for once he’d actually follow his instructions. He’d talk if Hux wanted him to, and kept silent otherwise. Hux fucking misses Ren. 

Or more precisely, he misses fucking Ren. Their relationship was little else beyond that anyway, the few moments of intimacy and emotional vulnerability rare enough to allow him to pretend they didn’t happen. He still can argue with Ren, and call him names he doesn’t mean. But he can’t order Ren to shut up and get on his knees, and tell himself Ren respects his command anymore. 

Hux sighs and stretches his neck, rolling his chin from one shoulder to another. He’s stiff and sore all over, and he needs to lie down, preferably for a century or two. Or take a long hot bath. 

He can’t do either. 

His mind lingers on Ren still, traitorously bringing up memories and fantasies. Hux closes his eyes, massaging his temples to stop the flow of thoughts, but they come rushing back the second the pressure is gone. The curve of Ren’s spine, the undeniably real bulk of him, an escaped moan, the dip beneath his asscheeks. Hux storms out of his quarters before he realizes what he’s doing. 

He’s pleased to see that he can still access Ren’s quarters - that means the two of them are not irreparably broken just yet. But Hux can’t care for that now; his body thrums with restless energy that demands an outlet, a release only Ren can give him. They really are a paradox; they can’t stand each other, can’t be together, but they’ve ruined themselves for everyone else. Hux tried to fuck a nameless pretty thing in a bar but it wasn’t the same – even if the guy looked a lot like Ren, no one was the same intoxicating mixture of power and vulnerability, no one was equal times pliant and unforgiving. There was just one Kylo Ren, and he was currently sat on the spacious bed. 

“Hux,” Ren barks, amusement overlain with derision, “it’s quite late for a cordial visit. I’d also like to point out that your arrival wasn’t very–“

“Shut up and strip,” Hux hisses, moving to rip Ren’s clothes off if necessary, “I’m not in the mood for your theatrics.”

“Ah, ah, has the General forgotten it was him who said our relationship was a mistake?” Ren replies, yet obliges. He stands up and he and Hux undress him together, co-operating admirably. They really cooperated the best in bed. It’s probably the reason why the Order lost yet another obvious victory. 

“I didn’t come here to hold your hand,” Hux says, and with a few more pulls Ren is naked and gorgeous in front of him. 

“No,” Ren’s eyes darken, “you did not. Then what did you come for?”

Hux grabs Ren’s chin between his fingers, his other hand on Ren’s hip. Ren grins when Hux kisses him, and groans when Hux’s fingers dip between his asscheeks. Hux presses himself against Ren, rubbing his thigh over Ren’s cock, lazily, just a promise. He’s half hard himself already, the months of having only himself for company showing. He won’t last long, of that he’s certain; but if he’s successful, so won’t Ren. 

“Bed, all fours,” he mutters against Ren’s cheek, lips wet from the kiss. He teases Ren’s hole with the tip of his middle finger, and pulls away. Ren bites his lip; Hux knows it’s to stifle a moan. Ren obeys Hux’s command, climbing onto the bed, his knees wider apart than Hux might ever need. Earlier, when they still pretended to care for each other, Hux would have taken a moment to press a kiss to the small of Ren’s back, or maybe to the inside of his thigh, just to remind him that he was there. Now, he feels no such obligation. 

“Where-”

“Nightstand,” Ren barks before he can get the words out. It almost seems like Ren is the one who gave in, who threw his dignity out of the viewport and crawled back to his former lover. It allows Hux to feel better about himself.

Hux walks to the nightstand at the right side of the bed, and soon enough, he finds the lube, so high on top of the clutter in the drawer that he knows it is well-used. He turns around, meeting Ren’s eyes. He sneers without meaning to – a knee-jerk reaction. 

“Do you think of me when you jerk off?” Hux asks, opening the bottle with a loud click. Some of the lube dribbles onto his gloved fingers.

“Cocky,” Ren says, “it doesn’t suit you.”

“You didn’t answer.”

“Do I have to?” 

Hux can’t stand the sight of Ren’s eyes any longer. He may listen to Hux’s orders, may give himself to Hux, but it’s only because he wants to. All of this is carefully calculated. Hux wonders if Ren somehow made him want to come to his quarters, but that seems excessive. Ren didn’t have to do anything to make Hux desire him. Right? 

Hux takes several long strides, the clicks of his heels echoing dully throughout the room. Ren shifts his weight from his hands onto his forearms, and Hux nearly bursts with want. He spreads the lube onto his fingers, keeping the gloves on. He’s afraid of touching Ren with his bare hands, afraid of the implied intimacy, afraid that if he gets too close, he’ll never be able to escape again.

Ren lets out a long, satisfied moan when Hux begins opening him up, and Hux has to steady himself by gripping Ren’s hip. He’s not as thorough as he should be, but Ren does not complain. Ren never complains – nothing Hux came up with was enough to make Ren complain, or say no. Ren was always ready to be taken, always ready for the pain. Hux realised a while ago that Ren liked the pain more than he liked him, but there was little he could do but keep inflicting it, hoping Ren would prefer his torture to everyone else’s. They really are fucked up, the pair of them.

Hux frees his cock with shaking fingers; his other hand still teasing Ren’s rim with what he might call tenderness, if he dared. He’s painfully hard already; the leather of his gloves is warm on his skin –  even his uniform is against him tonight. Hux climbs onto the bed and hastily coats his cock with lube. He doesn’t warn Ren when he enters him – Ren had always liked surprises. Hux is not very pleased with himself for knowing Ren’s preferences and even less so for indulging them. He doesn’t care if Ren is happy or satisfied. This is just a one time thing, to relieve stress, to feel like there is still a part of his life he has any control over. He realises, maybe a little too late, that this does not make him seem in control. 

Hux steadies himself with a hand on Ren’s hip and he sets a pace. He’s sweating under his uniform, and he feels stupid for not taking it off. It’s too late now. The sight of Ren’s bare back, marked by several familiar scars, is intoxicating. Months have passed since they last had sex, but the view is still just as wonderful as Hux left it. 

Hux’s thighs begin to tremble – he shouldn’t have skipped dinner. He presses his chest to Ren’s back, shifting his weight. If Ren knows, he doesn’t mention it. Hux keeps one hand clawed into Ren’s side – the injured one, if he recalls correctly. The wound was ugly; Hux remembers all the blood lost from it, and he’s almost sick. There’s no indication that Ren is in pain, but Hux is quite sure he feels it. For a brief moment, Hux fantasises about inflicting upon him pain so terrible Ren would cry and beg for it to stop. He doesn’t think it’s possible, but it’s an enticing concept. 

The sounds of their bodies moving, their stifled moans, the squeaks of Hux’s boots seem as loud as a blaster shot in the solitude of the room. Hux tries to think of something to say – some insult, preferably, just to break the silence. It feels too intimate, too much like before. 

Ren moans softly, turning his head slightly, exposing the soft side of his neck in the process. Something tightens in Hux’s chest, and he bites down onto Ren’s shoulder to keep himself from saying something stupid, like a love confession. Ren’s ribcage expands and narrows rapidly; Hux’s hands travels idly over it, teasing a nipple between his fingers, feeling muscles constrict as Ren breathes. 

Hux picks up his pace, erratic now, and he keeps his teeth buried in Ren’s shoulder to keep himself from crying out. Traveling down the length of Ren’s torso, Hux’s hand finds Ren’s cock and wraps itself around it like a desperate lover. Ren whimpers, and Hux mumbles quiet words of reassurance into his shoulder. Ren is quivering now, and Hux almost thinks he will make it, he will bring Ren to orgasm before he falls apart himself. 

He fails; throwing his head back, he loses the chance to muffle his cry against Ren’s skin. It’s an ugly thing, half whimper, half groan, and he squeezes Ren’s cock a little too hard when all his muscles contract in blissful agony. It’s one of the too hasty, too intense orgasms that’s more pain than pleasure, yet Hux keeps chasing the aftershocks. 

Ren comes with a loud, rapid exhale. His back arches and he clenches around Hux, pushing him a little further still to insanity. Hux gasps, loosening his grip on Ren’s dick but still holding tightly onto his side. 

They stay together for a minute or two, their breathing returning back to normal. Hux is planting soft kisses to the dip between Ren’s shoulder and neck without realizing; Ren is humming quietly, his chest vibrating with the peculiar melody. Then, as if finally remembering where he is, Hux scrambles to pull out and stand up. He hesitates with his hand on the zipper of his trousers, something stopping him from abandoning the sight of Ren. 

“Are you leaving me again?” Ren asks and rolls over onto his back. “In this state?” 

He bends his knees and reaches between his thighs. When he raises his hand again, it’s sticky with the mixture of lube and come. Hux stares blankly, unable to form an appropriate response to the spectacle in front of him. The scar on Ren’s side is an angry shade of red, the one on his shoulder thin and subtle, and the rest of him is just like Hux remembers.  _ Just like he loves. _

“I got what I came for,” Hux points out, yet he still doesn’t do up his fly, “why should I stay?”

“Have you forgotten already how much you love my mouth?” Ren purrs, voice husky, and he licks his lips to prove his point. Hux hates him for it. 

“I’m not quite ready for another round.”

“Then just stay until you are,” Ren’s position changes again, and he looks vulnerable now. As if someone could come close to harming him. Hux sneers. 

“And wait for you to choke me? No, thank you. I had enough.”

“Really? Have you grown old and tired that one fuck satisfied you? I remember you being quite insatiable,” Ren says, circling his nipple with his index finger. Hux tries to look only into Ren’s eyes, to ignore his body, enticing and pliant.

“I’ll take care of myself if need be. I don’t need you for it,” he mutters, finally zipping up his trousers.

“Right, of course. I suppose you could try to find another boy toy. Maybe you’ll be able to fuck him this time,” Ren smirks, malicious now. Hux trembles with anger. “Or are you still too much in love with me?” 

“I’m not in love with you,” Hux protests weakly, “I simply prefer monogamy.”

“Aren’t you sweet,” Ren coos and rises into a sitting position, supporting his weight on his hands, “I, on the other side, prefer having fun. With whoever would have me, it doesn’t matter who they were, just that they have a cock to fuck me with. And after the first few, I didn’t even think of you anymore.”

Hux reacts, fully knowing Ren is provoking him. He slaps Ren, as hard as he can. Ren’s head flies to the side and he chuckles before looking up again. There’s a red imprint of Hux’s hand on his cheek. 

“You’ve always been jealous and insecure-“ 

Hux slaps him again, and this time Ren laughs. He touches his lips, and when he pulls his fingers away, they’re red with blood. 

“Look, you hurt me,” Ren whispers. Hux is breathing heavily, adrenaline rushing through him. Ren smiles, blood from his split lower lip dribbling onto his chin. “Ouch.”

“You were being a brat,” Hux replies, wiping the blood away. A dark droplet sits on the leather of his glove. 

“Just like you love me best,” Ren says, his tone oddly serious. Hux blinks to stop himself from saying something he’d regret. Instead, he climbs onto the bed, straddling Ren’s hips. Ren grins again, and the danger passes. 

“I won’t sleep here though,” Hux warns, rolling his hips a little. Ren’s cock twitches.

“Who said I’d let you?” Ren asks and unbuckles Hux’s belt. Hux keeps rubbing his lap against Ren’s, his eyes falling shut with desire. Ren undresses him, slow but insistent, and Hux hates how safe he feels, despite knowing just how easy it would be for Ren to kill him, to stop his heart with a mere thought. 

Ren rolls them over so that he’s now on top of Hux, yanking his trousers off. Hux has barely enough time to berate himself for losing more weight when Ren takes his right nipple between his teeth, sucking and nibbling on it. Hux writhes, the pain of it almost too much to bear, but Ren remembers his limits well and keeps him right on the edge. Hux whimpers when Ren lets go of his nipple, sucking his way down his torso, teeth sinking in lightly over protruding ribs. The difference between the abused side of his chest and the abandoned one is excruciating – Hux touches his other nipple himself, digging his short nails into it in hope of simulating the touch of Ren’s teeth. 

Ren chuckles and bats Hux’s hand away. Hux growls and buries his hand in Ren’s hair, pulling at it. Ren struggles for what feels like eternity before he finally gives in and closes his mouth around Hux’s other nipple. Hux sighs, content, but doesn’t loosen his grip. He bends his knees instead and then, because he’s already lost, he wraps his legs around Ren’s waist. 

“I missed your body so much,” Ren murmurs into Hux’s skin. “You really are something else.”

“I know that, Ren, don’t get all gooey with me,” Hux says, turning red. 

“I was just passing time. You said you needed to wait before I could suck you off,” Ren mocks him, “and you love being flattered.”

Hux can’t really say anything to that – Ren is right, and telling him to stop the flattery would only make him spew more romantic nonsense. Hux knows himself well enough to know there’s only as much sweet talk he can take before he falls in love with Ren again. Falling for Ren is the last thing he or the Order needs – he’s now the only voice of reason that can stop the disaster that’s Ren as the Supreme Leader. 

“Make me stop thinking,” Hux murmurs, wondering if Ren knows that he’s what Hux doesn’t want to think about. He probably does. Ren knows him too well. 

Ren smiles and plants little kisses down Hux’s stomach. Hux untangles his legs and lets them fall on each side of Ren, and closes his eyes. Ren nibbles at the skin of his groin, then the soft inside of Hux’s thigh. His hand lies flat on Hux’s stomach, his wrist a mere inch from the root of Hux’s cock. Hux’s breathing speeds up, already, embarrassingly. 

Hux huffs in surprise when Ren plants a kiss to the tip of his cock. His back arches to get closer but Ren just pulls away, staying barely in reach. Hux groans but it does him no good – Ren runs two fingers down his side, knowing fully well Hux is ticklish there. Hux trembles, trying to shy away. 

“I get it, I get it, I’ll be patient now,” Hux mutters, squirming. Ren bothers him for a little longer before chuckling and letting go. Hux relaxes and opens his eyes to glare at Ren.

“You look cute when you’re mad at me,” Ren chuckles.

“I’m not cute.”

“You’re cute,” Ren repeats, planting a kiss to the inside of Hux’s thigh, “You’re adorable.” Another kiss, higher up. “You’re soft.” Hux sees the pattern now – either he lets Ren say these things or he won’t come. “You’re dainty.”

“Oh come on!” Hux mutters, “Dainty?”

“Aren’t you?” Ren asks, his mouth lingering just above Hux’s cock. Hux sighs, exasperated. 

“I am.”

“Yes, you are.” 

Ren licks Hux’s cock, all the way from the base to the head, and then back. Hux gets hard soon, and Ren moves on to tracing the the thickening vein on the underside of Hux’s cock with the tip of his tongue. He’s always been a terrible tease – he drove Hux nearly to insanity before letting him come, his touches sparse yet effective. Hux knows Ren will take ages this time. 

Ren avoids the head, planting little barely-there kisses on the sides of Hux’s dick, up and down. Hux can’t catch his breath; it feels like every time he wants to inhale, Ren does something to make him moan, and more precious air escapes him. It should frighten him – and it does, intellectually – but it arouses him more than it ever has before. There have been some attempts at breathplay, before, but it has never been very thorough, and Hux always got a little too scared to feel comfortable. They’ll have to talk about this anew, for next time-

_ There won’t be any next time _ , Hux promises himself.  _ Even this, staying for another round, is too dangerous.  _

Hux is caught completely off-guard when Ren takes nearly his entire cock in his mouth. Something between a breath and a cry escapes between his lips, and Ren takes him in deeper. Hux’s legs fall wider apart still, as if he can allow Ren to get closer this way. Ren lays his hands on his thighs and holds them spread, wide enough for it to burn. Hux has been neglecting his exercise, and it shows. 

Ren has not lost practice in the months when they were apart. Hux tries not to think about it too much, but it bothers him. He imagines Ren sucking every cock he can find, the lowliest ensigns, Stormtroopers, aliens even, anyone who’d have him. It’s none of his business - he did end it with Ren after all – but he still feels insulted. 

But Ren is here now, and his throat is warm and tight, and Hux thinks he can forgive Ren for sucking dick left and right if it means he’ll give Hux the best head of his life. And he’s well on his way to it. Hux is glad this is their second round already – he would have come ages ago if it were the first, and each moment Ren isn’t sucking his cock is a lost moment in Hux’s opinion. 

Ren goes completely still, Hux’s cock hot on his tongue, and he’s caressing Hux’s thighs, moving his fingers closer and closer to his ass, until he’s pulling Hux’s cheeks apart. Hux gasps and writhes when Ren’s thumb circles his hole.

“Kriff,” Hux hisses and throws his head back. 

In that exact moment, Ren’s throat tightens around him. 

Hux comes in Ren’s mouth, with an embarrassing mewl. Ren swallows and licks him clean before sitting up on his heels again.

“Will you clean up your own mess or will you just limply watch me?” Ren asks. Hux considers it. He’s tired, so blessedly exhausted and ready to drift off for the first time in days. But he’s also touch-starved, and a proud overachiever. He will never allow Ren the pleasure of saying he’s too tired to eat him out. 

Hux parts his lips and runs his tongue over his upper teeth. Ren smirks and moves to sit on Hux’s face. 

Hux doesn’t mean to dissociate, not during his first sexual encounter in months, but he’s so worn-out that his brain stops working the second he closes his eyes. His tongue moves mechanically, lapping at Ren’s loosened rim. He sucks and nibbles at the sensitive skin, and he almost protests when Ren rises onto his knees and comes all over his face. 

It’s disgraceful. Shameful. Disgusting. He shouldn’t let Ren defile him like this. 

“I love your body,” he mumbles. He can hear Ren move but he doesn’t open his eyes, afraid of getting Ren’s jizz in his eyes. Conjunctivitis is the last thing he needs at the moment. “I wish there was someone else in it.”

“No you don’t,” Ren opposes. A warm damp cloth wipes Hux’s face and he finally looks up. It’s a mistake – Ren is too beautiful when he’s satisfied and content. “You still love me. I know you do, but it’s okay, you can deny it if you want.”

“There’s nothing to deny,” Hux says. He can’t honestly put up too much of a fight, not when he’s filthy with Ren’s come and he feels like all his bones dissolved into jelly. 

“I believe you, of course,” Ren replies and stretches, several joints cracking. “Now get out of my bed. I need to rest.”

Hux feels betrayed. He has no right to be, not after he proclaimed he would not stay, but he still hoped Ren would be the smarter out of the two of them and tell Hux to stop fucking around. But Ren is just as proud and stubborn as Hux is. This is why their relationship didn’t work. 

Hux purses his lips to stop himself from saying something stupid, and he collects his clothes from the floor, putting them on unceremoniously, uncaring of the wrinkles he makes on them. 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” Hux spits, “I trust you had an enjoyable time.”

“It wasn’t regrettable, I suppose,” Ren shrugs, “good night, General.”

Hux leaves the room before he makes more of a fool of himself by letting Ren see his anger. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come talk kylux to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/EllstraH) and [tumblr!](http://ellstra.tumblr.com/)


End file.
